I don't understand something, and maybe you guys can help me understand it.
I guess I'm an anomaly in the dating world in the fact that I always told it straight. I didn't hide things, and I was upfront about almost everything I thought a felt about our relationship. I guess this is why the current relationship my relative is in just kind of puzzles me.
She is engaged to a man who has his two small children every other weekend. One of the kids is utterly horrid, and the other is a normal 10 year old boy. However, my relative raised her kids and did not want more. She also can't stand to be around them, neither can my wife or I for that matter. They've just had bad parenting and are out of control 90% of the time. So, this is a killer for the relationship. I mean, you can't stand the man's kids, so why did you agree to marry him? That puzzles me still.
Now that they are talking about living together and such I'm seeing more warning signs. Like he wants to keep his condo, and can't contribute enough to the mortgage when and if he moves in. Even if this problem is solved, she still doesn't want the kids living with her every other weekend.
So basically this relationship is headed for splitsville, the kids are just a problem that isn't going to go away. So why doesn't my relative pull the plug. That's what I would do. It seems though that the prospect of being alone and on the hunt again is worse then being in a relationship that has absolutely no chance of proceeding to the next level.
It does not compute...I do not understand, why would someone do this?
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Relationships that go no where
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oh wow I can kinda of relate to this....my bfs kids are "hellions" they were raised waaay different then the way I have raised mine. They used to come spend the summers with us and I thought I was going to go out of my mind!!!! This year I simply said I couldnt do it again. Now that might sound really harsh but we are talking about a 14 and 15 yr old boys that are mean..dont listen to rules....are very disrespectful....get the cops called on them....have stolen from me...and attack my youngest (whos 11) my bfs mom and dad even said they dont blame me for not wanting to go thru that and it isnt up to me to have to take care of them...so they are staying with mom over the summer now there was a time a little over a year ago that we thought the boys were going to come here to live cuz mom didnt want them anymore....I really didnt want this becuz I knew it was going to wipe me out....but I was willing to try it....lucky for me it didnt happen.....is your family member not even wanting to share every othe week-end with his kids??? cuz maybe thats why he is thinking about keeping his place so if its too much for the kids to be there at the house with him and her then he has a place for them to go and stay for the week-ends they are with him? Its hard to say whats going thru either of their minds...sometimes we will do anything for love and sometimes we really do need to stand our ground...and of course there are times we are just afraid to be alone and think what we have is better then nothing at all....but in all honesty I always think its best to be totally honest about what your feeling inside and try hard to make things work...you have to both give 100%
ReplyDeleteThis is like deja-vu all over again. I have discussed this scenario someplace before...oh yeah, see Dena's story above. Hehe. People can only decide what is right for themselves. I think it would be worse if she kept silent and tried to survive with his kids. By telling him she has made it clear to him that is how she feels but is willing to stay. It is now up to him to decide if he can be with a woman who does not want his kids too. It is actually in a way, avoidance. She has chosen to not choose and left it on him. I hope they are able to figure it all out for the sake of the kids.
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ReplyDeleteCorrection: She has not told her fiance her feelings towards his children. She hopes either that they can move away from the kids together, or that they won't live together till the kids are grown and out of the house.
ReplyDeleteAnd no, she doesn't want his kids every other weekend. He also doesn't want to keep his condo for the kids sake, but for the fact that in his two previous divorces his wife got the house. It's his safety net.
Thanks for the feedback, and kudos Dena on doing what's right for you.
This is a hard one, its hard not to get involved. when my sister was getting into all sorts of unsuitable relationships after her split, i kept my mouth shut, only saying what I thought when she asked (she soon stopped asking) and in the end, with one guy, whos kid stole her car and parked it on top of a roundabout, and after he pinned her up against the wall while drunk, did i jump in ans say my piece.
ReplyDeleteshe said she didn't want to be alone, so i said that surely alone was better...she told me in no uncertain terms, that i didn't understand, i wasn't alone, i didn't know what it was like to be 35 adn alone...i guess not!
i try to be supportive, its very hard when someone is settling for less than they deserve!
AMEN Sally, that's what gets me so frustrated. Instead of being with these go nowhere relationships (this is the third I've witnessed in 4 years), she could be looking for the right person. It hurts my head.
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