I'm Frustrated as hell, and I don't want to be anymore!

So why am I so frustrated? It's alot of little things actually, and I couldn't tell you where or when it started, so I'll just start with Easter.

Things I learned on Easter:

A) That my sister-in-law's and my taste in music are vastly different. I knew this already, but it never hurts to be reminded.

B) Just when you think things can't get any worse, you realize that they can. Example: My FIL's sermon this particular Easter Sunday. Last year it was Martin Luther King compared to the miracle of the resurrection. This year it was the hudson river plane crash. While I believe my FIL is an excellent speaker with a clear voice and good "stage" presence, I think he needs a sermon writer, or at least an editor. Maybe I've been spoiled by all the great movie monologues over the years, I dunno.

C) My wife makes much better quiche then her Step-mom, but at least the food was edible, so I'm not going to complain on this front

D) The "Halleluia Chorus" from Handel's Messiah really is one of the most powerful songs I've ever heard or performed, and I joined in with the choir this year at my wife's urging. I hadn't joined in last year, and had kind of regreted it. So I walked up there, and gave it my all. Now while I have trouble singing Pop or Rock songs due to my vocal range, I do have the talent of being able to project my voice to near operatic levels during certain songs. This is one of those songs. I can sing every note, and belt it out like no tomorrow, and it actually sounds GOOD! I got alot of compliments after the mass was over, and that felt great, but not as great as being up there doing it. My whole body was shaking with excitement as we approached the final big note. When it was over and people were patting me on the back, and I realized that I had sounded good, one guy even asked me if I was a professional singer. I think I blushed at that....it was such a wonderful feeling of pride that I have been trying to hold onto that feeling ever since.

E) If you're going to try and hide the easter baskets outside, do not do so in direct sunlight. Even when it's 40 degrees out, the sunlight through plastic WILL melt the chocolate.


After the morning breakfast it was back to my Mother-in-law's (MIL) for "lunch"

F) My MIL had planned an Easter Lunch and we had cleaned house all week so that it was a nice affair. On the day of, the "Hostess" took a nap till 4:30 in the afternoon, and my wife had to cook the entire "lunch". I found this more then a little bit rude, and I thought my wife should have just let the entire thing self-destruct, but then again, she's alot more forgiving then I am.

G)DO NOT! I repeat DO NOT try and cook homemade scalloped potatoes, they have those betty crotter boxes for a reason. They are difficult and can cause your guest's gastrointestinal distress.

H)DO NOT! I repeat DO NOT try and make your own homemade marshmallow icing, they have those betty crotter icing container's for a reason. It is difficult, gooey, and can cause your guest's gastrointestinal distress.

After this spectacle, we headed over to my mom's for "dinner". On the way there we both realized that our stomachs were not agreeing with what we had just eaten, and I think we were a bit frustrated dealing with my wife's Mother and Sister. This became evident upon reaching my Mother's house where i learned.

I) That I might have some latent resentment towards my MIL and SIL for their selfish and downright just inappropriate behavior in the months and days leading up to our wedding last summer.

J)That being with my parents is just so comfortable and relaxing compared to the other two homes we'd visited that day, and within an hour of being there, not only were our stomach aches gone, but we were both in much better moods.

K)That the Seinfeld Scene-it game is very fun



So that was easter. Started out ok, got a little worse towards the middle, and ended well.



So that doesn't explain the frustration entirely. After easter, my MIL went on a cruise for two weeks, so my wife and I get to play house which is so nice. However, while these two weeks should have been just this side of bliss for us not having anyone else in the house, some things have come up.

Her Factors:

She had just come off vacation, and getting back into the routine of school always takes her a couple of days.

Her student teaching, while going well is immensely frustrating for her since the teacher requires almost nothing of her, and instead of teaching she's been relegated to observing. I don't want to diminish her feelings or sound condescending to her, but it is really difficult for me to hear how the teacher doesn't want her to do anything, she's already been observed and gotten top marks, and now she's just riding out the hours requirement. How this, at this point "Easy A" situation is upsetting her to the point of almost crying is quite beyond me. I guess she feels like there's a ton of other stuff she could be doing...I dunno, I feel that way too sometimes, but it seems to affect her more.

The housework isn't all done. This is something ingrained in her by her mother. I can understand not wanting to do it, but getting upset that it's not done? No one is coming over...if it doesn't get done today it can the next day. I mean I usually try and help out where I can, but I haven't been doing as much as I normally do cause of my Knee injury.

School in general: She takes this so seriously and always does so well, but she really let's it drag and occupy her mind. I wish there was something I could do to lighten her mental load, but after how many semesters I'm out of ideas.

My Factors:

Seeing my wife dealing with the above issues upsets me greatly. There seems to be nothing I can do to lighten her load these last two weeks, except hug her and tell her that it will be "ok". I hear her having bad dreams where she talks in her sleep (not a usual occurrence). I also would like to get off the emotional roller coaster that my wife is on recently. I am really out of my element, and never know who I'm going to come home to. I just want my wife back, and not have to worry that an hour on the clock (tiredness) or a frustrating alarm tone, or whatever will upset her.

On top of my wife being upset and frustrated, I'm getting so myself, so much so that I snapped really loudly at my dog last night. I gave her alot of extra pets and encouraging words later to try and make up for this. what do I have to be frustrated about, well my job for one thing. I don't want to go into it too much, but it's just been annoying the last couple of days. Another factor is that I've been extraordinarily "Randy" this last week, and it's become a constant distraction. With my wife in the state she's in I try and not mention it too much, but it's been really annoying. I also took a week break from magic, just due to time and stuff, and when I played it last night, the dog wouldn't stop whining to go outside, only to then want to come in cause it was raining out. I got land screwed out of two games. It's frustrating enough to lose, but to lose just cause you didn't draw land is uber frustrating.


Other issues:

On top of all this, we started the "South Beach Diet" last Wednesday. We were planning to anyway, but after tuesday doctor's appointment where the doctor basically said that my knee injury was probably due to being a big fat tub(60lbs overweight, geez!). So we started the diet the next day. It's been going ok, but I think the lack of comfort food that my wife and I need really badly at this point I think has magnified certain issues and reactions that would have normally been contained or managed.

The moving situation:
We both want out of New York so bad we can taste it. The cost of living here is just absolutely horrendous for a young couple. I get sick looking at apartments and houses. At the same time though, my job is here, and I am doubtful about finding work in another local. It took me 3 years to find this job, and it was by pure happenstance and luck. I really don't want to go back to waiting table and video stores, but at the same time I don't want to trap my wife here where teacher jobs are so scarce it's not even funny. Our friends Hawk and Dove could probably lock my wife in with a job, and they want us to live in their new house which they are looking to buy before the end of this year. This could be a good thing, but that means upstate New York and really cold weather which I loathe. Down in Florida though, my other friends Darque and DD are struggling so much that I had to pay a bill or two for them last month, and they are shutting off their cell phones cause they can't afford them anymore. They are in no position as they once were to help us as we get settled in a new area. My uncertainty about work just makes me feel very guilty for not being able to provide for my wife effectively. I know that's an old fashioned concept, and exceedingly impractical in the modern era, but it's still bugs me that our situation is mostly my fault.

*sigh* So that's why I'm frustrated.....who needs a drink