Ambition

Ambition


Recently, I’ve had two conversations with my boss. One was last year towards the end of the summer, and one was this month. Both were about the same topic. Where do I want to go in the company? What kind of Roadmap can I follow to get there? Now, of course I tried to amuse him, and said things like “I’m interested in this and that’, but eventually he got the message that I was happy where I was. This seemed like an absolute shock to him. That he couldn’t fathom the thought that someone could be happy with my position.

Now, granted, my job is far from glorious. I’m an “assistant” to the software group. What that basically means is that I fix all the hardware that goes wrong, I design and build the systems that their software goes on, I fix any computers coming back from the field, I put together and image upgrades for our customers, and I write procedures on how to do all this stuff. This is the lowest position on the software totem pole, but a pretty integral part, as I report to and service about 5 different departments alone. I’m generally the software liaison to other departments, partly because the others are too busy, and partly because they view it as beneath them. I’ve taken verbal abuse from my colleagues, and my work has been referred to as “not real work”, but if I didn’t do it one of them would have to.

The thought that someone could settle for this life, in what is regarded as a menial job, my boss couldn’t understand this concept. So a few months go by, the economy crumbles, and my boss and I have another conversation, and this time he tells me in so many other words that I need to expand my utility to the group or I might not be around after the next round of lay offs. Now I’ve stopped worrying about getting laid off, but that doesn’t mean I want to be. So I accepted the new “training” schedule that I’m currently in. Afterwards, I was given the “it’s gonna be hard speech”, where I was told that I haven’t shown that I’m a “go-getter”, and that I have a lack of ambition. That this would have to change, I had to be hungry, to want these new skill sets and responsibilities, and just when I think there done, I have to say that I’m still thirsty for more.

Anyone else feeling inspired yet…………..Yeah, me neither.

See, my boss went from college to jr. programmer, to programming associate, to now Sr. programmer, and soon he’ll be the boss of all programmers. That’s his path. My path…well after college I worked at a video store, then waited tables at low-end chain restaurants. Then I went back to the video store industry, this time for the competition, and after I got engaged I got a job renting cars. This was 5 long years of my life where I pushed myself to the limit mentally, physically, and emotionally. I worked 60 hour weeks, worked till my shoes fell apart, worked when I had pneumonia, had a commute where I had to wake up at 5am to get to work at 7:30, had plates of food thrown at me, was screamed at for being 5 dollars short on a drawer, was lectured by customers on how it was my fault that steak takes longer to cook then french toast, stayed till dawn correcting someone else’s mistake, had people threaten me with physical harm cause their credit card was denied, wore the most embarrassing uniforms, and through all of this, I kept saying to myself, “What are you doing here. You have a college education in computers.” The answer was simple: Survival.

Then, through the oddest set of circumstances and blind luck I got my current job. Finally, I real career job! With real career money! Now, I’m not rich by any means, but it’s more then I ever could hope to make with my previous jobs, and not half as demeaning or annoying. I had a rough start, but soon I excelled, and I’ve even improved the techniques of my job. I’ve started initiatives to make what I do more important, and taken on new roles that were better suited to my skill sets and what I was doing. I really do enjoy what I do, and I’m good at it.

Now to “grow” in this company I would have to learn an entirely different skill set, and go more into the making software aspect. But, here’s the thing, all those guys HATE their jobs. They are some of the most unsatisfied individuals I’ve ever met. Yet, somehow they wonder why I have no ambition to grow beyond my current job?

Hmm…
Job I’m good at, and am happy doing

Job I don’t know if I can do, and brings unhappiness to all.

Yeah, I can’t see why I haven’t jumped on that boat, can you?

Anyway, sarcastic tendencies aside, what makes Ambition so great anyway. The most ambitious people I know have no respect for how they worked they’re way up. They never are satisfied, they treat they’re subordinates like crap, and they’re just looking for the next conquest of career or life. I don’t understand why this is a good thing. If you’re always shooting for the next level, eventually you will be disappointed, and still never satisfied with what you have accomplished. Plus, whenever you hear about a scandal in the news or a villain in movies, there’s always that phrase “Insane ambition” or the kinder “blind ambition”, like he started out good, but then lost his way. I’m not trying to bash those who are ambitious and work for good, but that’s them. If they want to be ambitious, let them, and I will watch them soar. I have no such desire, I just want to be comfortable, and I am. So why must I have ambition thrust upon? Personally, what ambition I do have isn’t job related at all. My ambition has always been to be a great husband to my wife and father to my future children. My job and what I did for a living was always an afterthought. Figuring that I’d have a job, but it wasn’t what I was focused on. I wanted to put family first. I’m happy with my life, who I am as a person, my relationship, and I’ve even learned to be happy with my little fluffy dog. Why is there such a negative stereotype for being….content? Like if I’m not a go-getter, or a guy with high ambitions, I’m nothing. Least that’s how it feels when I have these conversations. Like, being the age I am (28), and not wanting more then a job that pays the bills, a loving spouse, and a decent car seems ludicrous to these people. But I paid my dues, and I don’t want to go back to that by trying to excel further and failing. Why mess with a good thing right? Maybe it’s just me, I know that I’m different then the norm, and I always have been, but I loathe when people try and change me. It doesn’t work, and they’ll learn it eventually. Sure, I’ll learn the new skills, and I’ll do what I have to for my continued employment, but I’m not going to stop trying to be happy in my own way. I made that choice a long time ago, to be myself, no matter what other people thought. It’s made my life infinitely more difficult, but I believe that I’m a better person for it.

So I ask you, why is Ambition so revered in our society?